do people change?

Have you ever known somebody and thought to yourself that they never can or will change? As I was talking to a friend about such a person, I wanted to defend said person and say that they weren't all that bad, that eventually they would change, especially since they believed in God. I want to believe that God can change people, even the most unexpected. I mean, look at the one of the best examples in Saul-turned-to-Paul.

I don't want to limit God in my mind of what He can or can't do. I say that I believe in the God that parted the Red Sea. In the God that made a donkey talk (yes, it's in there, Numbers isn't as boring as you'd think). In the God that repeatedly brought His people back together to be a united nation despite being exiled and broken apart numerous times. If I believe in the God who created the world in seven days and raised a man from the dead after three, despite every bit of science telling us that it's irrefutably impossible, then why can't I believe that God can change somebody?

Or maybe it's not that I don't believe that God can change people, but that He won't. I think that's a harder pill to swallow. Because if that's what God wants, you're not really gonna get a hooray from me.

Maybe God doesn't want some people to change as easily as others would, for some reason that I'm not sure of. Maybe to strengthen my own faith, although I'm not sure how. Either way, I can't assume to know all of what God knows. And apparently, He knows best. So in the end, maybe it's not about believing that people can change, or even that God Himself is capable of it. Maybe it's about believing that whatever God chooses in that situation is best, even if it doesn't make any sense to me.

There is one thing I learned in high school that I remember best: I can't change other people. The only person I know that I have any real influence of changing is myself. And even then I need God to help me along the way.

Totally unrelated notes:
1. I'm wondering if the cliche "hard pill to swallow" inspired the blue pill/red pill scene in the Matrix. Great movie, by the way.
2. I'd like to give up school for Lent. Are you participating? What are you giving up? Here's a tip for you from twitter (@bloodwater): " Lent is more than just giving something up; it's about putting something better in its place."
3. I'm very unclever. See that blog entry title up there? Yeah, that's what I resorted to because I couldn't think of anything better than that. All my other choices = lame.
4. Lastly, waiting for that snow to melt. Bring on the Spring!

the world wide web

In the past year, I have been using twitter rather regularly. It's an interesting medium for conversations, considering that each bit happens in 140 characters or less, and it consists of a wide range of users/uses.

You get the annoying spammers who send out the same "flyer" to every twitter handle they can get their grubby hands on (just a thought, am I incorrectly stereotyping spammers by assuming they all have grubby hands?). There's the group of tweeters who think everyone is always just dying to know what they just ate (which I admit, I've done that before). Better are those who keep up with the news and give everyone real-time updates. There are even trends that are purely for fun. But best are the ones who are trying to foster conversation about anything and everything, which I really enjoy.

Through this I have recently realized there is a whole other online community out there: the blogging community. I love how it spans across the entire world. As you can tell, I'm trying to become a part of this by writing more regularly in my own, although I'm not nearly as witty or eloquent as any of them. But here are a few that I have been following. I particularly like these because they are not only amusing or interesting, but they've been challenging me to think beyond what I know and perceive about my life and my faith, even if I don't agree with everything they say.

Stuff Christians Like
NakedPastor
The Church of No People
BryanAllain
Twenty-Two Words

As you can probably tell (if you bother to click on them and peruse through), they're all Christian bloggers, because that's just my preference, but I know that you can find millions of blogs that focus on other things, like photography, comic strips, words and language, music, travel, or even something as silly (yet delicious) as bacon. (The first two links in that last sentence are of personal friends of mine, both highly enjoyable).

Do you tweet? What blogs do you follow? Or better yet, do you have a blog of your own? Feel free to plug or promote shamelessly.

something about snow..

Despite the inconveniences of shoveling driveways, cleaning off my car, driving through bad traffic, and walking through the eventual dirty gray slush, there's just something about fresh-fallen, untouched snow that fills me with a sense of wonder. Even in February, which is usually when I'm wishing for the spring thaw, I smile and know that I'll never end up hating it.

















Sorry for the bad quality: didn't have my camera on me the one day I really wanted it.

happiness

In a certain context, I really don't like that word. It's such a shallow and ephemeral concept, that to wish for happiness more than anything else seems futile. I know it sounds pessimistic of me, but I feel that as a Christian, to pray first and foremost for happiness is wrong. God doesn't guarantee happiness, it is written multiple times in His word that we will suffer in this world if we choose to follow Christ. So when people come to the conclusion that happiness is a sign of God's blessings, I have a problem with it. It implies that the blessings of a church, family, or person can be counted in terms of happiness; that if a church isn't "happy," God is not working in that church; that if a family isn't happy, God isn't blessing that family; that if I'm not happy, God must NOT be in my life.

Someone once pointed out to me that every time a Christian group goes on a trip, the first thing we pray for is "safety." But why is safety the first thing we pray for? If anything, shouldn't we pray that God does whatever it takes to draw us nearer to Him? If we're going on a retreat, we would hope that God takes us there safely so that we can receive whatever blessings He has planned for at the retreat, but consider this: what if, just what if, the best way that we drew nearer to God involved an accident of some kind?

Or here's another example (I heard this illustration once, and unfortunately, I cannot reiterate it for you in the same powerful way I heard it, but here's a paraphrasing): A missionary wants to marry a woman that he loves and believes is someone he can be one with in glorifying God. But he sees that God's plan for him is to do missionary work that puts his life at risk. When he goes to that woman's father, he doesn't tell the father that he will make her happy, or that he will provide for her, or even that he will protect her. Instead, he asks the father these questions: Can you give away your daughter to a man who will take her into danger for the sake of the good news? Will you allow your daughter to marry someone who will put God's will above her safety and happiness? Will you place God's glory before your daughter's life? I think it was a true story, because I remember someone mentioning that the father was able to give her away, and the married couple ended up martyred for the gospel.

I think that if that woman had been me, my parents would not have allowed me to marry a man like that. As much as my mom is devoted to Christ, when it comes to her children, I think that she will put our happiness and safety above our Godly purpose, which is to love Jesus and make Him known.

Even now, as the new year begins, I know that I will face a difficult semester, taking on a lot of things. When I told my mom that I was also going to serve as a leader at our church ministry, she kept trying to convince me that I should only take on the responsibility when I didn't have as much on my plate. I had voiced my worries of how hard it would be, and she replied, "If you know it's going to be hard, why do it?" My answer? I'm half-hoping that it WILL be beyond what I can handle on my own, because I know that my struggles are prime opportunities for me to draw closer to Jesus, to actually NEED Him in my everyday life.

I don't blame my parents for wanting me to be happy and not suffer. But I have to eventually reconcile my intellectual understanding that my happiness is not God's primary will for me with my heart's desire to be happy in the moment, here and now. And just because I know in my head what it should be like, it certainly doesn't mean that the execution comes just as easy. God help me, because I know I can't do it on my own. And as scary as it is, I'm praying that my desire to know and love God, to draw nearer to Him, will be more than my desire to be happy in this life.

put a fork in me, i'm done.

I don't know why I keep putting myself through this pain and frustration, so I've decided that I'm done, I'm giving up. I know technically quitters are losers (except if you're trying to give up smoking or something like that), but trust me on this one, I'm better off. And if I capitulate on this, I'm just more pathetic than before.

Jesus is all that I need. Now if only I could live out that truth.

Free (Take My Life)

Take my life, make it clay
Shape this life in intricate ways
I want to be, a child of faith
But what my heart wants most my body turns away

I push away Your ways and wonder why
I let my pride decide every time

But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin
That compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
That when You come back again
I'll be free

Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength, and bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win the race
And let me have Your peace, it's not a hopeless chase

'Cause I lose sight of all You've called me to be
And it takes so much to drive me to my knees

Free (Take My Life) - Jill Paquette

back to the beginning

Been writing and rewriting the same paragraph for about 30 minutes now, but eventually deleted it all and just decided to go with this:

I'm starting over.