Wednesday, April 7, 2010

in despair

In those times when I feel completely lost, unhappy, and stuck in a life I no longer want, I consider abandoning my faith and starting over in a completely new direction.

You'd think that in the face of that, the things I feel would be of something like freedom, wanderlust, and the thrill of endless possibilities.

Instead, all I feel is the darkness of despair. Despite my never-ending list of wants, the truth that's firmly etched into me is that I deserve nothing, and have no worth other than in the God who made me, knows me, loves me, and intended my life on earth to be a temporary journey before the final destination which is at His side. To let go of that makes my world seem incredibly bleak.

In that perspective, even the biggest things that I want to acquire or accomplish for myself seem to pale in comparison.

1 comment:

Anne said...

so...i know i fell off the face of the earth. i have some seriously good excuses for that, believe me. NEwho, that's beside the point.

which is that this sounds so sad! forgive my general godlessness, but it's spring. even here in manhattan, things are green, birds are chirping, and the air smells awesome. i mean, theoretically didn't God want us to be able to feel joy in the small stuff (or not-so-small stuff, like bigger goals) in this life when we can too?

don't take any of that too seriously if it's way off the mark. just stumbled across your blog via facebook (via your various thunbs up) and couldn't resist :)

hope you're doing well!
-a. (as in anne, your dear lockermate from back in the day)